A grounded goal

Goals are the cornerstone of effective coaching practice. We speak in terms of objectives, directions, and desired outcomes because they provide the essential structure that prevents sessions from becoming unfocused conversations. A well-defined goal acts as both compass and container, guiding the work while establishing clear boundaries for what we’re trying to achieve together.

Yet many coaching relationships struggle precisely because this foundational element is poorly understood. Without clarity about what constitutes a meaningful goal, we risk pursuing directions that feel productive but ultimately lead nowhere. Understanding what a goal is and what we need to consider when defining one becomes the prerequisite for all effective coaching work.

What is a goal?

A coaching goal is a response to the sense that something in your life isn’t working. It’s your way of moving from where you are toward where you want to be, based on what you experience rather than what others expect of you. Good goals recognise both what you can control and the real constraints of your environment.

While goals feel personal, they are shaped by the world around us. Cultural norms, family dynamics, economic realities, and systemic pressures all influence what we believe is worth pursuing. Acknowledging this context doesn’t take away from individual agency; it deepens it. Grounded coaching helps clarify which goals are truly ours and which may have been inherited or imposed. This clarity becomes the foundation for meaningful change. (For more details) Coaching and goals operate within capitalistic frameworks that can transform self-improvement into performance pressure, privileged spaces that assume equal access to change, and individualistic cultures that overlook systemic issues. We must remain aware of how coaching can become toxic positivity disguised as empowerment. The reality is that there's no 'best version of oneself' because no version of a person is inherently better than another. An objective must remain a solution to a problem, specific to the person formulating it. What we're seeking is authenticity and balance, not optimisation. The problem isn't systematic goal-setting but pursuing objectives without examining their origins; whether they emerge from genuine need or external pressure.

Given this context, how do we construct goals that remain both authentic and achievable? Understanding that goals exist within systems doesn’t mean we’re powerless; it means we’re strategic about where to direct our energy. The coaching relationship becomes a space for identifying and strengthening personal agency within realistic constraints. These nine criteria guide that process, ensuring goals remain both grounded in what’s possible and aligned with what truly matters:

Nine Criteria for Grounded Goals

1. Specific and constructively framed: Goals should be specific enough to recognise progress while being framed as what you’re creating rather than what you’re avoiding.
2. Under my relative control: Focus on actions, responses, and choices that are genuinely yours to make while acknowledging broader constraints.
3. Recognisable and trackable: How will I know if I’m moving in the right direction? This includes both concrete markers and felt sense indicators of alignment.
4. Contextually grounded: Where and when does this goal apply? Goals exist within specific relationships, environments, and life circumstances.
5. Sustainable and ecological: Does this goal honour my resources, relationships, and broader life context?
6. Purpose-driven: Why does this matter to me? Understanding the deeper need or value behind the goal helps maintain motivation and guides decision-making.
7. Honestly assessed: What will pursuing this goal require of me? Consider the real costs— time, energy, attention, trade-offs—to ensure the goal is genuinely workable.
8. Problem-solving focused: Will achieving this goal actually address the misalignment I’m experiencing?
9. Values-aligned: Does this goal reflect what I genuinely care about? Goals should align with your deeper commitments and principles.

To see how this works in practice, let’s look at how the nine criteria can transform vague intentions into clear, workable goals:

• “We want to improve our relationship” → “We want to assess if our couple is working by identifying what connects and disconnects us, understanding our core values to see if they align, and clearly defining what we each need from the other to thrive together.”
• “I just lost my job and I don’t know what to do” → “Over the next 6 months, I want to reconnect with what truly drives and fulfills me so I can navigate this transition with calm and choose a path that aligns with who I really am.”
• “I want to quit smoking” → “Before the end of spring, I want to feel healthy again by quitting smoking for good and developing coping strategies that keep me calm during my usual smoking triggers.”

Let’s examine one example in detail to see how these criteria function as process tools and shapes the coaching conversation:

“I want to feel less overwhelmed”

1. Specific and constructively framed: Instead of focusing on reducing overwhelm, we might reframe this as “I want to feel calmer…”
2. Under my relative control: While we can’t control workload demands or family needs, we can examine our responses, boundaries, and choices about how we engage with these pressures.
3. Recognisable and trackable: What would feeling less overwhelmed look like? Perhaps sleeping through the night, feeling calm during transitions, or having more overall energy.
4. Contextually grounded: Where does the overwhelm show up most? At work? Evening family time? Weekend planning?
5. Sustainable and ecological: Any solution must consider existing relationships, responsibilities, and resources rather than demanding wholesale life changes.
6. Purpose-driven: Why does this matter? It could be about being more present with loved ones, having energy for creative pursuits, or simply feeling human again.
7. Honestly assessed: What would addressing overwhelm require? Setting boundaries might create conflict. Saying no might disappoint others. Better time management might mean confronting deeper patterns.
8. Problem-solving focused: Will sustainable daily rhythms address the underlying experience of overwhelm, or is something else needed?
9. Values-aligned: Does this goal reflect what you genuinely care about, or is it driven by external expectations about productivity and performance?

Through this process, our “I want to feel less overwhelmed” becomes “I want to feel calmer during tense conversations, so I can respond thoughtfully and express my boundaries no matter the situation.”

This transformation demonstrates how the nine criteria work as process tools during coaching conversations. While the final goal statement doesn’t explicitly show all nine criteria, each one contributed to refining the original vague intention into something clear and workable. The criteria served as scaffolding to build the goal, helping to explore what “overwhelmed” really meant, examine the costs and trade-offs involved, connect the goal to deeper values, and consider what would be sustainable, but this framework language doesn’t need to clutter the final statement.

These nine criteria serve as a starting framework rather than inflexible rules; each should be interpreted through the lens of your particular situation and needs. This adaptable approach makes the framework useful across various contexts.

Personal application

While this framework emerges from coaching practice, its application extends far beyond professional relationships. Most of us naturally engage in ongoing self-reflection, recognising areas of misalignment and working to address them without external support. The same principles that make goals effective in coaching sessions can guide this individual work, helping people avoid the common pitfalls of vague intentions or unrealistic expectations.

This versatility reflects a broader truth about coaching tools: they’re fundamentally frameworks for clear thinking and intentional action. In self-directed work, the main difference lies in having to ask yourself the clarifying questions that a coach might typically pose. This requires more discipline and honesty; it’s easier to avoid difficult questions when you’re the one asking them, but the underlying framework remains equally valuable.

Conclusion

These nine criteria offer a framework for constructing goals that honour both personal agency and realistic constraints. Whether working with a coach or engaging in personal reflection, these principles help ensure that the changes you pursue are both meaningful and achievable. The goal isn’t to turn your life into a project to be optimised, but to bring clarity and realism to the natural human process of growth and adaptation.

Working with these criteria is itself a process of discovery. As you apply them, you may find that what you thought you wanted shifts to something quite different. This isn’t failure, it’s the natural result of honest self-examination. The real value lies not in the goals themselves but in the clarity and self-awareness that emerge from thoughtful goal construction.

For those curious about the research foundations of goal-setting, Edwin Locke’s Goal Setting Theory offers a useful starting point.